I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
