I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My life is pants optional.
Randomize