her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
