Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
