Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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