is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
