When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize