Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
