she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Do vagina's smell?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
