I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
