Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
