Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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