So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize