Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
