His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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