sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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