D3 body, D1 cock
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
