You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
