worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
