I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
