He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
