I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
