Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
