No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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