i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
