party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
