you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
