so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
