If that was your dad, he is hot
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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