he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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