My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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