I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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