you're like a bully in the Christmas story
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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