i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
