my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
