Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm at about main and main street
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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