oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
