life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
