Where is the hickey?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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