You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
