I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
