Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
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