friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
