i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
