i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just invented taco cereal.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
