I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
