my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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