I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
