Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
