Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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