Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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