She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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