I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
