FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
