so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
