If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
