I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
