weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
