If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
