Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
