The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I understand Curling. That high.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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