Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
