we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
