I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
