If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
