Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize
