Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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