I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
