My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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