Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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