bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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