now i know why i became what i already was.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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