Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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