if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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