If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
