Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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