Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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