wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Less talking, more tequila
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
