Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
