honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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